I had a situation a while back that was distressing to me. I just couldn't make this person understand where I was coming from. I had been trying for a long time to make myself clear, and the truth was they didn't get it. They had their own opinion. Honestly, I'm not sure they were even capable of "getting it." But try as I may, I just couldn't get past my angst about it...even when it became apparent that I didn't care about the outcome anymore. So, how was I to move past this state of irritation and frustration without becoming bitter and resentful? Ah...that was the question.
Here's how I did it. I stopped and reflected on what was really bothering me. At first, I thought maybe I just wanted to "be right." But, no...that wasn't quite it. I had to do some deeper diving to see what I was still bothered by. I continued to question myself, trying to assess what feeling I was hoping for. What is it that would make me FEEL better? When I asked myself that, I realized what was tripping me up was the need to be understood...not even agreed with...just understood. Understood and validated.
This is a normal human need. But not everyone is always going to understand. And our perspectives may not always be validated by those we care about. And in this situation, it was glaringly apparent I was not going to be getting what I was looking for. Uh oh. That might be a problem. But not really. I realized right then and there that this was a state of mind. All my distress was based on my perspective, opinions, beliefs, and mindset. That's good news...because while this situation was taking place in the "real" world, the angst and discomfort were occurring in my mind. I was the only one suffering from it. That being said, I knew that while I wasn't about to change my perspective on what I felt needed to be done in this situation, I did realize that what I was seeking...understanding and validation...was something I could give myself. I didn't need the other person to give it to me. I understood where I was coming from, and I felt my decision was right for me. There. Validated. Boom. Understood. Boom. Boom.
Every feeling you want to have is available to you right now. You are in charge of your feelings. You are in charge of your thoughts. What you think and what you feel is taking place inside of YOU. Don't wait for someone or something outside yourself to give you what you feel you need. Give it to yourself right now.
It's nice to be understood and validated by those we love and care about. That's for sure. But it's not necessary. Don't get stuck because you're waiting for someone to give you what you need. Give it to yourself. Right here. Right now.
If you're stuck in a negative space, determine what it is you're really seeking. What feeling would make you feel better?
Once you've identified what it is you're looking for, make the decision to give this feeling to yourself right now. You can choose to feel however you want to. This may take some practice, but with persistence and practice, it will get much easier and happen much faster.
*Remember: YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE!