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Arrow Tip #28: Manage Your Mind, Rather Than The Grind

As we travel along the path of life quite often we find ourselves in situations that cause us stress, anxiety, and other uncomfortable emotions. We spend a great deal of time managing these circumstances by focusing on what's happening TO us rather than what's happening IN us. As the old saying goes....."Nothing's happening to you, it's happening through you". We see the "outer" world as the cause of our pain and try to change that rather than ourselves. When we start managing our minds rather than managing the situations themselves, inevitably how we think and how we feel about those circumstances improves.

We talk a great deal about "stress management" in our society. But in truth, we don't need to manage stress. We need to manage our minds. When we do this well, then all stress disappears. Stress is not a thing on the outside of ourselves. It's something we've created on the inside. It's a response to a person, event, or situation that becomes a "trigger". What triggers you might not be what triggers me. Why? Because it's simply an objective thing that we've given some meaning to. (See Arrow Tip #8) Rather than trying to change the outside, we need to change the INSIDE, which is our thinking and feelings. Realizing the truth in that statement is the first step.

What's causing you stress, anguish, or pain? Whatever it is, there's a thought behind it. Behind that thought is some meaning you've given it based on a belief that you have. You believe something to be true because you've accepted it to be so......and for you, it may actually be true. You've probably gathered a lot of "evidence" along your life path to make it true for you. But if you want things to improve, then as I've repeated over and over, you'll have to be willing to examine these thoughts and change them to be more in alignment with what you want.....which in every case, is to simply FEEL better about something. (See Arrow Tip #3)

Many times we can't control the things that are happening in our personal worlds, but we can manage our thoughts, feelings, and reactions. (See Arrow Tip #16) Stop trying to manage the outside. Start managing the inside and the outside won't affect you in the same way anymore.



  1. Determine what has you "stressed" out or feeling bad.

  2. Identify the thoughts you have about this.

  3. Dig deeper to uncover what you believe to be true that's causing you to think this way.

  4. Ask yourself if this belief is really true or is it just true for you because you've assigned some meaning to something? Can you assign a better meaning that might also be true?

  5. Come up with some thoughts that are in closer alignment with how you would prefer to feel.

  6. Continue to observe your thoughts and feelings. Rather than trying to change the "outside world" to align with you, change YOURSELF to align with the outside in a better way.

  7. Remember that this is a process. It takes repetition and practice just like any other skill you're trying to develop.



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