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Arrow Tip #13: Become A Master Rather Than A Slave

Our lives are made up of a continuous series of emotions; some benign, and some powerful. These emotions typically come from how we react to events, situations, and circumstances in our lives. Something we deem as positive creates a positive emotion in us, likewise, usually something we don't like will cause us to feel bad. This tends to be normal human behavior. Unfortunately, it can make us enslaved to whatever life throws at us. Since life is full of ups and downs, if we are a slave to our emotions then we get yanked all over the place. Why not become the master instead? It's possible to do so!

A few years ago I had a situation take place that created a large amount of emotional turmoil for me. Despite all my personal development work, it threw me into a state of depression and anguish for several months. It was horrible. Not because of the state I was in, but because I felt captive to my own emotions. I felt powerless over them. forced me to face some things about myself and uplevel my game. I decided that while I might go through things that cause me to be upset, I would no longer be a slave to my emotions. I was going to be in charge.

Why do our emotions control us rather than we control them? Because our emotions come from the thoughts we have. If the thoughts are distressing then the emotions are distressing. If we can master our thoughts then we should be able to master our emotions. The thoughts we have in response to a stimulus comes from the MEANING we have ascribed to the event. (See ARROW TIP #8 to understand and address this.) So.....change the meaning, to change the thought, to change the emotion. This doesn't mean you suppress or deny how you feel. It means that you take charge of how life events impact you.

In my case, had to examine what meaning I was giving to the situation I was in. It took self-inquiry and discipline to work on myself to change some of those meanings I came up with. That allowed me to change my thoughts, and thus be in command of how I felt. I also told my "monkey brain" that I was now in charge. I gave it some direction by telling it I would decide how I felt about something, and not let my mind spiral down some rabbit hole of negative thinking. I would not deny how I actually felt. I allowed myself to be true to my authentic feelings, but the difference was that I refused to be a slave to the ups and downs of life allowing it to drag me on an emotional rollercoaster ride. In addition to these things, I also incorporated a sort of mantra for myself ......"I am emotionally free." I fell asleep to this thought every night. Lastly, and one of the most powerful things I did, was to imagine how I would feel if I truly felt free of the emotional turmoil I was in. Once I imagined that, and actually felt it on the inside, I would stay in that feeling and hold it for as long as I could. I wasn't really thinking about anything when I would do it. I would just imagine what it WOULD feel like if I actually were free of all the emotional pain. It felt great. Of course, my brain would start thinking again, but still, I would keep practicing that really good, free feeling place.

Interestingly, about a year later, I went through the exact same event that threw me off course the first time. This time was I upset? Yes. It was an upsetting situation. But, because I had spent so much time working on myself to become the master rather than the slave, I rebounded quickly. I didn't get drug around by my emotions. I was in charge and I respected my feelings and then moved forward.



  1. Decide to be the master of your emotions.

  2. Examine your thoughts and determine what meaning you are giving this event.

  3. Try to come up with a more empowering meaning if at all possible so that you can begin to change your thoughts about what is going on.

  4. Regardless of what thoughts you might be having, tell your brain that YOU are in charge, not your emotions.

  5. Accept and respect how you feel but tell your brain you can and will leave this emotional state whenever YOU choose to do so.

  6. Repeat the mantra "I am emotionally free" over and over and fall asleep to it.

  7. Imagine what it would feel like IF you actually were emotionally free of this pain you are in. Hold on to that feeling state for as long as you can. With time you will get better at that.

  8. Practice this over and over. This is a process and not something that happens in an instant for most people. The more you practice the easier it will get. In time you will notice how things don't derail you like they used to.



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